Life is like..

I usually come to blog about my feelings and stuffs. So if you don't like reading this kind of things, i suggest you may leave this blog and never visit it again.

So just to vent my frustrations here. Yes, i blog to vent my frustrations. I'll try to keep it clean. I said i'll try. :) Also, note that my blog posts here may be because of what i'm thinking/feeling at that moment only. So the feeling might not last long. So don't take my blog that seriously. Even if you do, i don't think you can do anything about it.

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Yeah, ok. To start things off, let me do a short intro. I'm just a normal teenage girl who is now sitting for my national exam for the second time. And i'm feeling quite demoralised about it since i've finish about 90% of my exam papers. And when i reflect back, i don't feel confident at all about reaching my targetted grades. Yes, blame it on me. Slacking, procratinating and not concerned enough about my exams till the last few weeks before the start of the exam.

And yeah. It kinda sucks even more when some school teachers or people release the exam answers online. And when i see them, i kinda calculated for the marks that i'll get. And it seems like i might do even worse than last year.

So after i did the calculation of marks, i was thinking, "Why am i so stupid?". I feel useless, hopeless and stupid. I've wasted a year of my life, my parent's money, their time, my time. At times i also wonder, "Should i even exist in this world?"

Suicide.. I've thought about it for so long. I've thought about it since i was in secondary 2 or 3. I'm not afraid to die. I'm just afraid of pain. If i were to die, it would be to die swiftly. Without pain or suffering.

What about my family? Well, they won't be burdened anymore right? They'll just mourn/grieve over me. But they'll soon get over me and move on with life right? That's what life is right? Moving on..?

Ok, i think i need to cool off here. Will update again soon alright? :)

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