although it was not satisfactory, i was grateful that i finally passed all my subjects.
it was a happy moment for me.
but that happiness doesn't last forever.
i soon found myself dwelling about it.
i found my bad old self.
i became pessimistic.
trust me, i don't like this feeling.
but i just can't help feeling it.
well, if this wasn't bad enough,
something happened earlier today.
in what i saw hope to restore my self esteem and image,
it soon became an impossible mission when the amount of money needed
became too overwhelming for my dad.
i don't blame him.
i have no one to blame, except me.
at first it doesn't seem to affect me.
but then just like my results, i became kind of affected and disappointed.
DISAPPOINTED.
i hate this word.
never will it be in my dictionary.
i just wish i could get away from all these stuff.
i think it's kind of too much for me.
i can't absorb too much.
i'll go cranky and all emo.
gahh. i thank the people who supported me.
but to those hypocrites, they really should go to hell.
i just can't rely or trust anyone.
i can't even confide in anyone.
i will feel that i'm wasting their time.
it's kind of depressing.
i wanna cry, but i can't.
i wanna talk to someone, but i can't.
i wanna cheer myself up, but i can't.
i wanna be more optimistic, but i can't.
am i this useless?
am i this hopeless?
let's face it. if i can't take this challenges at this stage,
what will happen to me when i reach at an older age?
really confused.
got to get myself together.
and focus.
yeah, focus on the future.
what's past is past.
nothing can be undone.
alright. gonna take a nap.
thanks for letting me share my feelings.
Lots of love,
Chubby Cat
p.s. i heard milan said this:
don't deny fear, don't deny anxiety.
just acknowledge it and claim your spot.
i think it's quite cool. :)
<$BlogItemCommentCount$> Comments:
<$BlogCommentBody$>
<$BlogItemCreate$>
Links to this post:
posted by <$BlogBacklinkAuthor$> @ <$BlogBacklinkDateTime$>
<$BlogItemBacklinkCreate$>
<< Home