And i told myself.
What if i can't get into uni?
Will it be okay to repeat or retake?
I'm fine with it.
As long as i can get into the course that i want.
Suddenly i really want to go into the course that i had originally wanted since sec 1.
And looking at my results, there's a 10% chance that i can get into that course.
I feel pathetic and sad looking at myself in this kind of situation.
It's just... I have to face the consequences of my actions.
I have to do my reflection now.
I was used to getting passes and all when i was in secondary school.
when i entered college, wow.
it is a whole different experience.
during my 1st year, we were all newbies.
And we were totally taking everything seriously.
And all that hard work did pay off.
After that, i seem to slack off.
I lost my focus in the second year even though it was important.
i thought i needed to do some leisure activities so that i can relieve my stress.
And I did. For a while it did help me.
Then it became an addiction. It kind of became a sin.
I was addicted to it.
Every once in a while, when no one is home, i kept my addiction alive.
But i was unable to tell anyone.
Because it's the kind of things people will tell me
that i'm all grown up now and i should now what's right and wrong for me.
And that i should be taking care of my health. Blah, blah, blah.
I was unable to stop this addiction.
To the extent that even when i was failing my subjects,
i became sad for a moment.
Then turn to that source of addiction to make myself happy.
It was a temporary happiness. But at least i was numb to those failures.
I was numb to everything that came my way.
And i've never cried so much in my life.
Last year was totally a record.
Not because of the addiction. But the failures.
Me being inconsistence.
But now, I'm trying to keep my addiction to a minimum.
It's hard to quit. So in the meantime, i'll just try to decrease the amount of time
i spend on feeding my addiction.
And before i forget, i shall mention something that really touched me
and almost made me cry.
My father. He can't stop telling me how proud he was of me.
Me passing all the subjects. In my opinion, i should have gotten those grades before
i sat for my major exams.
But it's too late for me to change the results.
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