more pics will
b posted in d next post..
i went 2 d teacher's table...
opened d drawer..
saw maggots..
n flies...
yuck...
took picture of it..
then revised history again...

2nite gonna sleep at 3am...
my parents wud have been
asleep oredi...
so i wud either revise history
or i wud cry a bit..
or listen to music...

sumtymes when i cry...
i tink dat i m useless...
i hate myself...
hate myself 4 d mistakes
dat i have done...
hate myself coz it hurts me
when i see my loved ones
hurt or injured...
hate myself when
ppl had done a lot
of sacrifices 4 me...

whenever she scold me...
i will blame myself..
scold myself...
i tink of myself as ungrateful..
coz ppl do gud tings 4 me...
n i repay 'em by
troubling 'em
even when they r busy...

i hate myself...
argh....
oh..juz remembered...
in d morning..
my mum walked me 2 sch...
as i was kissing her hand...
she sae she wan 2 kiss
my forehead..
coz it was said in d radio...
i let her kiss..

i asked myself...
did she do it juz
becuz d radio
told mothers 2 do so??
or is it juz a sign of love
from her???

i dunno...
i mean if she loved me...
she wudn't nid 2 b told by radio..
she wud have d initiative..

well..i dun blame her...
i mean..
i m a teenager now..
so she tot dat she
wud let me have some "freedom"...

it's like when i m small,
she wud hold my hands...
n now..
when i had grown up...
she kinda let go of my hand...
n i m like..
falling away frm her...

*sob*sob*
*sniff*sniff*