Hi again.
Just being bored at stuff.
Typing whatever comes to my mind.

Well, just to get things off my chest first.
I can still remember that conversaation i had with my friend.
I kind of feel low now.
Maybe cos i'm not getting the support i needed.
i'm all alone.
Alone in my battle.
Forever alone.
I think even if i die, i'll still be alone.
Come to think of it, i feel quite pathetic of myself.

Argh, come on! Snap out of it!
I've had lots of these thoughts.
Need to get over this!
Need some fresh air!
Need to snap out of this!
Need to just move on!
Go Qat! You can do it!
This is your life!
You don't need to care about what others say about you!
Just care about yourself!
Go Qat! Go!

Let's talk about something else.
Oh, i now have a pet turtle.
Still unsure of what to call it.
Oops. Got to go now. bye!

Somehow, after chatting with my friend, i felt a sense of awkwardness.
It was kind of weird. We had nothing to talk about.
After the topic that we discussed, we bacame kind of silent.

Somehow i feel that i'm drifting away from my friends.
Friends that i've known for almost 7 years.
Somehow, i felt those 7 years doesn't mean anything.
It's as if i've just known them for 7 months.
and we are just mere hi-bye friends.

Maybe i need some time-out.
Maybe i need to remove this negativity within me.
I have always tried to remove this negativity within me.
But whenever i'm with these friends, i somehow drifted towards this negativity.
Which doesn't make sense.
Doesn't make sense at all.

I thought i have gotten over these.
I thought i would be ok with all these.
Which i am. But i am upset that my friends think that it's not ok.
and they dare not to open their mouth, and ask if there's anything for them to do.
So far, the only helping hand that i was able to see was from  a friend of mine whom i've known only for 2 years. I feel a sense of chemistry with her. And i don't feel awkward sharing with her. My plans.
My future plans, and stuff.
Somehow i feel much better sharing it with her, rather than sharing it with my family or friends of 7 years. Why is that so?

Hmm, i don't know why.
i don't need to know them.
i'm now given a second chance in which i should not waste at all.
i must give it my all.
TO STUDY OR NOT.
It is entirely up to me. I should make up my mind. To use this opportunity or not.
Hopefully i do.
Hopefully.

Sometimes when i look at my past entries, i realise that i didn't know i was thinking like this at this time.
This helps. It allows me to voice out my uncertainty or insecurities even though i feel like i'm just talking to the wall. But hey, it's better than bottling up my feelings and ending up becoming crazy or something. haha!

Well, i gotta go! ah, i feel so much better now. Thanks! byeee! :D