i noe...
i have been disappointing u
again n again...
countless times...

but please...
b4 u accuse me of anything...
please find out the truth...
it really hurts when u just
wildly hurl accuses at me...

but it is my fault too...
cause i didn't say anything...
i juz kept quiet..

so now...
i understand...
i understand wat u want..
u want me to stay
at home d whole
day...
24 hours at home...

dun u noe dat it is boring?
i noe u do...
so y r u doing dis 2 me?
can't i juz hang out wif my frenz...
n have some fun wif them...

u wan me to juz rot at home?
is dat it?
u always have misunderstood me...
but i didn't sae it...
coz i noe...
i will never have a chance
to say it...

u think u r always rite..
n u always tink dat
wateva i do...
i alwaes have a hidden agenda...

dun u noe
dat my hart alwaes shattered
to pieces everytime u
always tink like dat...

i alwaes cry..
in d toilet...
while bathing...
so dat u won't c me crying...

u alwaes blame me...
blame me 4 being lazy..
blame me 4 being careless...
blame me 4 being inconsiderate...
blame me 4 bveing stupid
or not using my brain...
blame me 4 being such a useless daughter...

fine!
blame me 4 everytink...
u r alwaes right!
wateva i do,
u muz alwaes find mistakes in me...
u r so damn RIGHT!!!

u noe
sometimes i feel like
shouting back at u...
but no..
i dun tink i can...

it sux...
my heart is burning...
i feel so lost..at home...
im trying not to blast any
vulgarities...
but when i do,
let me apologise first...
coz i dunno when i will stop...

it seems weird...
everytink seems weird...
i still sleep late between
1 to 3am...
woke up 6 to 6.30am...
if not some1 wud either
pinch my ears,cheek,arm,legs...
or slap,pushed..
u noe d usual stuff..
sometimes im so used to it..
dat i juz continued sleeping...

but in d end..
i juz woke up n bathed...
coz my ears really r sensitive to
ppl's nagging n scolding...

damn..

wow...
it's been so long
since i have posted...
maybe bcoz i was juz
too tired or lazy to post...

sorry..

too many things
on my mind..
too many things happen...
too many things to
b forgotten..

aniwae...last week...
frm tues to thurs..
we had a unit camp...
quite ok...
except dat i was
always d casualty
due to my injury...

so i felt
really...
REALLY
left out...
how i wish i didn't
attend this camp
if i knew i wud
b in such a state...

sometimes i
felt used, u noe...
i dunno y...
can't explain it...

u noe...
ppl alwaes sae
dat home is where
u can find
happiness...
home is where u can find
wat u want..
home is where
u won't feel lonely..

but...
is it true?
i dunno...
im now at home...
alone..
bored...
i can't find wat i wan...
i dun even noe wat i wan...

sounds stupid huh?
i guess im stupid...
real stupid...
24 hours at home..
w/o anybody to talk to...
always home alone...

u may wan 2 ask me
if i feel lonely...
yes n no...
yes i do feel lonely...
no i m oredi used to it...

ok..
so i dunno wat to post...
although i have lots
on my mind...
but i juz simply can't
put it in words...

hmm..
oh great...
now im home alone
until nite..

but its ok...
i can take it...
i guess...

aniwae..
yesterdae..
went sch
at abt 3pm...
collected report book...
n sch mag...
stupid lah...

i clearly rmbed dat
i had paid d
money to dennis....
but i got d sch mag aniwae...

here r my results
stated in d report bk...
i'll juz tell u d
overall marks
n overall grades...

English: 65-B3
Malay: 81-A1
Maths: 78-A1
Science: 76-A1
Geog: 65-B3
History: 68-B3
Lit: 75-A1
D&T: 78-A1
H.E: 81-A1
Art: 77-A1
CME: A
Music: A

Class pos.:4/45
level pos.:35/207

hmm..ok..
i dunno how to react...
so im juz like dis
._.

after dat had prefect duty
until 7..
then stayed back for a while...
coz had meeting...
then i quickly went home
coz i want to watch
my fave tv prog....

then at arnd 11 plus
i went online...
chatted wif cindy
abt d hike proposal..
then chatted wif huiling n cindy
until arnd 2am...
then i offline n watch tv...

then i went to sleep
at arnd 3am...

2dae woke up at 6am...
n bathed...
then i took a nap..
then 8.00 reached sch
for a leadership thing...

d course is quite fun...
then after dat had aop
at canteen...
im so relieved
when zq sir said dat
it was better than d
last 1....

then we went jp
for lunch...
i can't even eat
my carrot cake finish...
so disappointed...
haha...
nid siti,mardi n shi yuan
to help me finish it up...

then went to valu$ shop..
to c d wat to buy as presents
for d hiking...

then went home wif siti...
now i m bored...

realli dunno wat to do..
if i go out..
my mum wud nag at me...
if i stay at home...
hmm...
mayb i will
b bored to death...

nid to go down for
a while to take
some stuff from a fren...
i'll post another day...
bye...