heys..
hmm...
ok..
so thursdae..
i tried to
shake a person off me..

i wanted her
to 4get abt me..
4get abt my 'problems'..

but she didn't wan...
aniwae..
talked to her
for almost 3hrs...

then i went home...

fri...
i hate u..
i cried for u
when u went away...

but now..
things r different...
way different...

i hate u now..
u've changed...
i tot u changed
into a better person...
but no...
i was wrong...

u even hit me...
u hurt my shoulder..
i'll rmb dat...
i no longer like u...

u r juz some stranger
to me now...
a stranger dat
i never really got to noe...

even d baby is
pointing a
middle finger to u...








wow...
dis bastard is angry..
he's angry at u...
he said "fuck off!"









even d flame agrees..







dat is one of a kind cat...










whose hand is this?

ok..
sat...
didn't do much...
very bored at home..
juz watch tv all dae...
miss it very much...


sun...
watch tv...
study sci...
go out wif my aunt
2 make baju kurung...


then watch tv...
bro was sick...
but feeling better...
mum was oso sick...
still taking medication...
even father
is feeling sick...


everyone is sick..
except for me...
wanna noe y?
well..
they r sick of me...
dats wat i tink...

bro went back
to his camp at arnd
9.30pm....


then i watch tv...
while studying...
slept at 2.30am..


woke up at 5.00am
to eat...
then study...
slept for 15 mins...
then bathe...


reached school...
kinda sleepy...
had reading...

then MT...
i can't believe
dat i got 16/20
for my test...
coz i was angry
at dat time...
n i can't really focus...


then it was maths...
mrs tay lectured us
for almost a period...


recess...
2 periods of eng...
didn't talk much...
very sleepy...
i dun wan 2
disturb ms chan
anymore...
coz i noe she
is very busy...
it's ok...
i'll leave u alone...
i won't bother u again...


then it was sci...
had sci test...
quite difficult...


then went thru
some sci ws...
when it was my turn...
i act as if i was
busy copying...
n juz ignored him
even though
he called me...


i'm still angry at him...
when i didn't answer,
he called d next person
2 answer...


he left early
b4 d bell rings...
some students
tink dat he is angry...
heck care...
he tinks he's
d only 1 who can get
angry?
i oso can get angry...

then it was history...
quite ok...
then walk around...
then went for a prefect meeting...


then waited for
jian yang 2 finish up his
maths...
went home...

actually i wanted
2 stay back...
but nvm..
siti is oredi waiting
for me...

so went home...

i've got a message
to whom it may concern...
i shall not
censor d vulgarities
so dat d person
understands wat im
trying 2 sae:

U FUCKING ASSHOLE...
U TINK U SO GOOD??
GO N FUCK UR MOTHER
IN UR FUCKING HOME
N DUN EVER SHOW ME UR
FUCKING FACE AGAIN!
IF I SEE UR FUCKING FACE,
I'LL BLOW UP UR FUCKING
BRAIN WITH A FUCKING
GUN..WHEN U R DEAD, I'LL
BURN UR FUCKING BODY
AT A FUCKING RUBBISH DUMP...
IF U DUN WAN DIS FUCKING
THINGS 2 HAPPEN,THEN GET
D FUCKING HELL OUT OF HERE!
I NEVER WAN 2 SEE UR
FUCKING FACE EVER AGAIN!
MIND UR OWN FUCKING
BUSINESS! DUN BOTHER ABT ME..
I DUN NID D FUCKING U...
SO JUZ B FUCKING GUD N
GO BACK 2 UR FUCKING HOME!!!

seriously..i dun smoke..
nobody in my family smokes...
wan me 2 swear?
erm..mayb next time...

















i punched d wall..
so bcome blue-black..





















































there's a bird at d window..



































juz drew those for fun..

im not afraid...
im juz preventing
myself from
getting out of control..

i noe u r helping
but i m helping u too..
i noe we trusted
each other...

so it is juz between d TWO
of us...
no other party..
u help me solve
d 'problem'..
i dun see any problem...

u said i m not okay...
well..i m okay...
u said i m escaping
from my problems...
well..how 2 escape
when i dun have any
problem bothering me??

u said u
wanted 2 tell HER...
i said no..
i dun wan my parents
2 b called..
i dun wan CY 2 b called...

i dun wan any attention...
i juz wan some
revenge...
u may call me
anytink u like...
i dun care...

i juz wan wat
belongs 2 me..
u noe wat i meant...
u r getting
into trouble urself
by helping me...

it's not an
addiction or obsession...
it is juz a game...
i m juz planning d game...
d game has not started..
it is juz abt to begin...
well..
d game may or may not
b a success...
but im juz
experimenting...

i dun nid
any attention
or counselling...
i m not crazy...
im calm...

i juz wanted...
u ppl 2 disappear...
let me cry
in a corner...

let me cry until
i dun have any tears
left...
n blood will b
in place of those
tears...

i noe...
u will sae
d 'problem' will
not b solved by crying...
but hey,
have u ever cried??
does it feels gud
or does it feel worse??
u decide...

i told u dat
u hit d 2 target..
well,actually 1...
d parent thing
is not a problem...
i can handle it..

u said we trust
each other..
so y can u juz give
wat belongs 2 me???

i won't disturb u
anymore...
we will 4get abt it...
act as if nothing ever
mattered..

i treat u as a fren..
not an enemy..yet...
once u r my enemy...
well i'll hate u...
as long as i live...

u said u wanted HER
2 'join' in...
no way...
even if u tell her...
i m not gonna talk
2 her..
i won't even look at her...

she is a demon!
she is a witch!
if u look into her eyes,
u will turn into a BITCH!

as for CY...
i still hate u...
wanna noe y???

well,it's for me
to noe...
n for u to find out...
so gud luck
finding out d reason...

well if u care 2 find
d reason...

sorry..
i didn't
have tyme
2 post...


so now kinda free..
let see..

sat..
went 4
red cross...
in full uniform...


damn tired
when i got home...
kinda late
4 my religious class...
well,really late..


then went out
wif my bro n father...
went expo...
coz got 'bazaar'...
means food festival
lah...


bought dengdeng...
then my father
oso bought burger...
i ate dengdeng..

then we waited
4 mum at jurong
point..
i bought 2 shoe laces..
coz onli $1 each..


then went home..
i decided 2 take a nap...
then i when i woke up,
it was oredi tyme
2 go out 4 dinner...


i was damn sleepy...
luckily my
father borrowed a car..
ate at east coast park..


then went home..
tired...
watched tv..
slept at 1am..


sun(9/9)
woke up..
ate nasi lemak..
watched csi...

finish up hmwk..
then i then played
ps2 wif bro..

then went to
grandparents' house
4 a ceremony 4
d fasting month...


came home around
10.30pm...
watched tv...
then slept at 1am...


mon(10/9)
after sch..
do hmwk...
kristie came..
chatted wif her..


then went home
at 2.45..
can't go back late
coz my bro is at home..
n he will ask me
a lot of questions...
juz like my mum...
is he trying 2 b mum???

omg..
i cud hardly imagine dat...


tues(11/9)
had reading...
cme period...
talked 2 ms chan...
although it was oredi AE...

as usual...
d whole class
didn't change our
attire..
but still have AE..

recess..
played wif
u-noe-wat..
went toilet..
2 play with it...

then it was sci..
didn't understand
a single thing..

then it was HE..
whole class was
taught by ms lai..
had an unprepared test...
lost 6 marks..

stayed back
after shool..
but went home
at 3.30...
coz bro at home...

i miss it so much...
y can u juz give it to me
n leave me alone...
d problem will b solved...
dun betray me...

i've been betrayed once...
i dun wan 2 b betrayed twice...
dun make me do
things i dun
wan 2 do 2 u...

woke up..
then got
my things ready
4 red cross later..

then i walked
slowly from home..
but i still manage
2 get to sch in time..

we had pt..
footdrill...
feedback session...
everyting is quite ok..
no comment lah...
coz later
someone not happy..

then we went
juromg east
entertainment
centre...
went there 2 have lunch...
i wasn't in quite a gud mood..
went there wif mardi,shi yuan,
huiling,siti n kristie..

at 1st they wanted
2 go 2 long john silver...
but many ppl..
no vacant seats..
so went 2 kfc..
oso many ppl..
went back 2 ljs...
then we were standing
outside...
blocking ppl's way..

we were waiting
4 a grp of 6 women...
2 finish eating...
then a women
talked 2 huiling...
then huiling n others
look blur like sotong..
dunno wat 2 do..
dunno if wan eat
there or not...
then i dunno larh...

i ask wat r we
waiting here 4...
i mean we actually
wanted 2 go
je library
2 study maths..

i mean...
i dun wan waste tyme..
i sae 2 'em:
eh..u all can make up
ur mind or not??
siti said:
ok..1st, u wan 2 eat wat?
i said:
i anytink..i dun wan
2 eat..i onli wan 2 drink!
huliling said:
they(d 6 women)
said dat 1 of us have
2 order 1st..
so we can book d seats..
i said:
then go n order larh!

at 1st on d way here..
i tot 2 myself
dat i wan 2 eat french
fries onli...
but my mood like shit..
so i juz blurted it out...

then i turned away...
n saw macs..
i told shi yuan
dat i wanted
2 go but sumtink
at macs..
shi yuan wanted
2 accompany me...

i bought
strawberry milkshake..
then i n shi yuan
went back..
saw dat d gerls
oredi got their
seats..

i juz drank
my drink
n said nothing..
it was abt 2plus
i tink..

then we went
library..
then it was
4 plus then
they ate some food
from d
vending machine...

then we went
je entertainment
centre..
went arcade...
then walk around..
then went home..

now i juz reached
home..
going 2 change my
blog add..

so no 1 will noe..
haha..
onli my pri
sch frens noe..

yesterdae..
kinda bored..
i read csi book..
finally got 2 finish
a thick book..

nothing much
happened..
doing maths..
searching 4 french
curve...
cudn't find it..
damn...

watched tv...
at 1am..i slept..

2dae..
woke up..
quite sleepy..
listened 2 my mp3...
missed my
lighter a lot..
haish..
nvm..
i muz endure...
hehe..
juz a few daes
left..
then it is time 2 study..

4 end-of-year..
i m scared
dat i may not
b able 2 focus..
coz many things
have been happening...

WHY CAN'T
THEY JUZ LEAVE
ME ALONE???
IT'S NOT THEIR
BUSINESS..
IF THEY WAN 2 HELP...
OK..FINE..
PLS LEAVE ME
ALONE...

this is my blog..
i can sae wateva
i wan 2 sae...

so..yea..
ate nasi lemak
4 dinner...
can't throw away
d food since
my mum is
lying on
d floor
watching tv bside me...

haish..
i was
bloody full..
felt like my stomach
going 2 explode..

then my mum
went toilet..
i quickly throw away d food...

then i watched tv...
i searched
4 my french curve..
but to no avail..

then i watched
tv...
although i have
watched d movie
called "d mighty ducks",
i still watch it..

i can even rmb
some sentences
said my some characters...
haha..
goin 2 sleep late
although there is gonna
b cca training tmr..

ur days r numbered...






















i'm watching u..






















u dun recognize me...














i'm juz waiting 4 d
right moment 2 come..

















i shall make
u rest in peace...

















i'm juz warming up..














No mercy..
















dun nid 2 thank
me..it's my job..













juz u wait..



















it's juz a drawing..
no nid 2 b scared..












dun worry..
i m experienced..
















dat's my name..

















all i see is red..

i miss
flicking my lighter..
i miss
burning things..


wat am i going
2 do in dis boring
holidae??


i m alwaes
home alone...
hmm...
nothing to play
wif...
n juz reading books...
damn...


mondae(3/9)
had prefect meeting..
had to decorate
d board..
left at 1pm...


saw my
primary school
friend, suliana...
at her void deck...
i joined her...

we chatted...
she was smoking...
so i asked her
if she has a lighter...

she gave it to me...
n i kinda played wif it...
then she asked
if i wanted 2 smoke...

i rejected it
although i
felt like smoking..
i mean curiosity..
yea..


it was raining..
i waited 4 d rain
2 subside..

then i went home..
suliana's home
is near my home...
i alwaes
walked past her
house everytime
i walked to school..

holidaes can b boring...
but i m glad

dat i didin't

get 2 see dat

stupid face...

i ate 2 panda bearsnacks

4 lunch...
tuesdae(4/9)

damn...
i had a
NIGHTMARE
abt 'him'...


u dunno who im
talkin' abt?
check d 'about' sect...
see who i hate...
yea..


i dreamt
dat i saw him
lying on
d floor..
dead..

in a pool of blood...
but i can't rmb
if it was me
who killed him...


then i oso dunno
wat happened
n suddenly
d counsellor
came...

she was laughing
like a witch...
omg...


then i 4got
wat happened...
i woke up
coz my phone
was ringing...
i had set an
alarm clock...


2dae i m
goin 2 suntec...
wif mardi, shi yuan
n others...


at 1st
i felt like
not going
since siti
can't go...
but i went aniwae...

went to suntec
by mrt..
thruout d whole
journey,
i was quiet..
dunno y..
juz dun feel like
talking..

so i listened 2
my mp3...
then we reached
our destination..

then we walked...
n walked...
then we decided
2 have lunch 1st...
we decided 2 eat
at Pizza Hut...

we forked out
$9 each...
i was very full...

then we walked
around..
went to several shops...
then we went to arcade...
i spent $8 on d games...
all dat is left is $1...
haha..im broke..

then we went back
2 d mrt station...
on d way back..
saw jovin n jin wei...
well..they r couples...

we went 2
jurong point...
it was going 2 b 6pm..
went 2 macs..
ate ice cream..
left wif $0.40...

then my mum
called..
as if i was oredi going
home coz she was
oredi goin home
frm work...

so i told my frens
i got 2 go..
xiangyi ma'am
gave me a stitch stuff toy..
on behalf of other ma'ams...
THANK YOU MA'AMS!!!
met my mum...
went home wif her...

my mum bought
nasi lemak..
i had my bath
1st b4 my mum..
so i ate d nasi lemak
when my mum was bathing...

as i was still
full...
i put some rice
2 my mum's...
then i ate..
but i still can't finish it..
so i wrapped
it up...
n threw it away..

watched tv...
kinda tired..
read my book...
then i watched tv again...
watched csi...

then i listened
2 my mp3...
i closed my eyes...
my father
thought i had oredi
slept...
he switched off
d tv n lights...
then went 2 sleep..

i acted as if
i was sleeping...
but i cudn't sleep yet..
so i juz close my eyes
n listened 2 d songs..
n sang it in my heart...

then at around 1am
i tink..
i slept..

my cute niece
wif her teddy...











prefectorial notice
board...











totoro...










juz tell me..i'll burn it 4 u...













guess who is it?










i juz pinched it...













d next dae...









not pain...
juz blue-black...

saturdae(1/9)
damn bored..
went 2 library
wif bro n father...

borrowed
6 books...
all csi..
haha...
i m so crazy abt csi...

went my aunt's
house..
coz she wanted
2 give us mee soto
dat she had cooked...

then went home..
read d a book...
then watched tv...

then it was arnd
2am...
then i slept...

sundae(2/9)
hmm...
i read
a csi book
in my room...

then played
UNREAL TOURNAMENT
wif my bro..
a lot of killing...
it was fun...

i won n lost
some matches..
then i watched csi...

then i watched
my bro played
RED ALERT...
while reading
a book..

then i saw
my old school
bag in hall...
i asked my father..
told me
he wanted 2 throw it
away...

i very angry..
i became quiet...
when my father
was in d toilet..
i pinched myself...

i was angry...
i cried a bit...
now it has
become a bit blue black...
but luckily
nobody spotted it..
coz it is well hidden
in my sleeve..

it's my bag...
why didn't he
ask me if i want it or not...
he still said dat he had
tore d bag..
how can he intrude
my things
n juz throw
whenever he likes
without my permission???

i never throw
his things away...
the bag can still
be used..
it is juz dirty..

then my father
came..
i was watching tv...
then he asked me
if i still wan d bag...
i juz nodded to him...

in d morning..
my mother
talked to me nicely..
she told me
to wash d plates
no matter
who had used it..

she was kinda
pointing at father...
i knew mayb
father had talked
2 mum...

i mean they(my father n bro)
have hands...
n r not paralyzed
or their hands
aren't amputated...
is it so difficult
2 wash d plates???

they r juz lazy bums...
call themselves men...
no wonder
my father is
damn fat...
all he does
is eat n sleep
when he is
at home...

my bro...
alwaes play
either ps2
or computer games...
when he came home...

my mother
won't b home till
arnd 10om...

it was raining...
then mum
called...
asked if it is raining...
then talked 2 father...
then after a few minutes..

my mum called again...
then my father like scold her
said "why never call earlier?"
sumtink like dat...

i hate it...
i hate when father
scold mum like dat...
it is as if he is alwaes rite...

i hate adults..
i dun wan 2 b an adult..
i dun wan 2 b a teenager..
i wan 2 b a baby...

coz a baby juz cry n smile
n doesn't stress out
if there r any problems...