Hades...






Hades...








Hades...








Hades Fire...









Hades...





















cerberus...
















Hades..



























Hades..





















Flames of Hades...



























Hades?

so..
i continue
from last post..

when i came back
to class..
it was sci lesson..
mardi told me
dat he said
2 d class
dat sum1 in
class had been
caught red-handed
burning things..

walao..
i very angry...
i cried in class..
i cried quietly..
my eyes n nose
muz have been red
coz mardi realized it...

but i didn't answer
her when she
asked me wat happened...

at dat nite..
i was watching
tv..i saw my mum
went into my room...
i heard drawers
being opened n closed...

but i still act as
if nothing was happening..
mayb she was searching
if there r any lighters..

dis morning...
i was sleeping..
my mother woke
me up...
asked where
my prefect badge was...

she told me
she cudn't find it...
since she
oredi ransacked my bag...

very surprisingly...
of all days...
she changed
d school bag 4 me...

i was still in a daze...
then i rmb sumtink...
i had put a box
of lighters in my bag...
coz i 4got 2 leave it
in class
as i was in a hurry
to go home...

then i didn't dare
ask her abt d box...
i juz act
as if i m happy...
n even laugh a lot
over small matters...

i talked 2 her
quite a lot...
asked her abt her work
n stuffs...

luckily she never
talked abt d box...
when i reached sch...

i checked my bag...
no box...
i m doomed...

dat means she knew
it 4 sure!!!
wah...
i felt horrible...
but i still
have an extra lighter...
gonna keep it
carefully...

had history...
quite ok...
had art..
it sux...
mdm leong
accused us of not
greeting her...
then she called for
mr. go...
he lectured on n on...
i got bored..
so i read d newspaper...

then it was recess...
i cut some things...

now at com lab..
watching totoro...
but i'm not watching...
coz not interested...

i'll post later
at nite..
or tml..
if i hav d time...

coz i know...
i m doomed...

jun tong..











my hand..dunno wat happen...
a bit pain..











renon..my bro...











su ying reading comic book..
































mardi n siti..doing backdrop...


































soccer ball..bored..so i juz take..




























eng hoong..reading book..




























the clinic..looks haunted..

i changed my
blog music
background..

so 2dae was..
...................
i dunno...

but kinda bad mood...
n sad mix with anger...

juz now in d morning...
on d way 2 sch...
my father asked me
if i had gotten any test results

then i remember
abt my sci...
i told my parents...
my father said :ok..not bad...
my mum said in malay:
dat's not good...
75 n above lah..."
she sounded disappointed...
i juz looked down...
i was expecting like...
"it's ok..try harder
next tyme"...

but it wasn't...
previously..
when i got 75 n above
in any subject...
she didn't sae anitink...

i myself am disappointed
in her...
cme lesson..
i slept n cried...

then it was AE..
onli d chinese teacher..
he asked me 2 stand up...
in chinese..
then in english..
i juz stared at him..
when he was asking
d others...
i stood up...

everyone in class
didn't wear pe attire..
well, almost...
3 boys which r so loyal..

recess..
cried again...
i hate myself...

sci...
hate mr yew...
very sleepy thru out
d lesson...

hm econs...
wah...
very wat...
ms lai keep scolding...
she sae which teacher
wud we find in dis
sch 2 teach us abt values
such as honesty,attitude lah..
n others...

i hate TUESDAYS!!!
d most hated subject:
AE n Hm Econs

most hated teachers:
(in increasing order
of anger)
mr chong king ching,
ms lai hung lan,
mdm leong
mr clement yew

i feel terrible rite now..
very sad..
felt insulted..
felt humiliated...

but wat 2 do???
ppl wan 2 help me..
but they have
their own lives...
so dun bother abt me..
i won't burden any1...
i tink..

oh ya..
yesterdae..
felt bad...
coz i had promised
father last week
dat i wud b his cameraman...
as he has a singing competition..

ever since he won a trophy..
consolation price...
he has been desperately
entering competitions..
he really like 2 sing...

yesterdae..
i didn't finish my hmwk
yet...
so my bro tald my father..
dat i cnt make it...
i asked my bro wat father said...

he told me father sound
disappointed..
shit lah...
once again..
i blame myself..
4 being such a disappointing...
useless
helpless..
heartless...
daughter...

2dae..
kinda sad...
my bro has to
report to his unit
2dae...

reached school..
very bored..
then bell rang..
reading period..
i was sleeping..
while acting as
if i was reading..

then it was EL...
then it was SCI...
hate mr yew...
act cute lah him!

aniwae..
i got 35/50...
d marks r decreasing..
kinda make me happy
when it decreases...
but felt guilty
when i told my parents
abt my results..

then it was MT...
ms mardiana was kinda
lame..
then it was recess...
again..
i was happy dat i was
alone in class..
listened 2 songs..
n kinda take a nap..

didn't eat anitink...
then after sch..
went straight home...
my mum was off 2dae...
so if i stay in sch
late, she wud
ask me a lot of qns...
which is kinda annoying...

reached home..
rested 4 a while...
my mum came home
from dentist...
she had bought lunch...

then...
i watched a movie
called 'The Condemned'
n it was nice...
then i did my homework...

my mum was sleeping
in her room...
so i cried...
but can't cry so loud...
scared i wud wake her up..

so 2nite...
im gonna watch tv...
then sleep at 3am..
coz i cannot sleep early..
12 midnite is too early 4 me..

nothing much 2 add on...
coz all dat has
been happening
r alwaes stored in my mind..

n i onli sae some of
them...

yesterdae studied
from 9pm to 3am...
coz i fell asleep...
n nobody woke me up...

then in d morning..
walked 2 school..
didn't talk much
to my mum..
she alwaes talk
abt wat happen
at her work...

so i juz listen...
n sumtymes i dun..
when she laughs,
i laugh..
although i dun
really noe wat she juz said...

then reached school...
had science test...
n again...
i have no hope
in my sci...

during my sci..
wah..
i feel like crying...
i very angry
with myself...

but luckily...
i didn't...
phew...

then...
after school...
i ate burger onli...
no appetite 2 eat...

then waited 4 kristie,
huiling n cindy 2 eat...
i waited 4 a while...
then i went 2 class..

very happy coz no 1
was there...
listen 2 songs..
then i cried...

then..
it was 2pm..
i stopped crying...
i changed into my attire
4 training...

but we kinda have
an fac training...
it was very short until
4pm..
coz some nid 2 go
4 shi yuan's competition...

i oso go off at 4pm...
i walk slowly..

then watched movie
wif my bro thru his laptop...
kinda happy dat he will
b home until mondae...

then..i slept...

SATURDAE
had fac competition...
i was d reserve...
it was kinda boring...

won 3rd in district...
congrats 2 mardi,
shi yuan,huiling,
cindy,siti n kristie...

then walked home
from shuqun sec
wif siti...

then reached home...
watched tv...
kinda tired...
went out
wif family..
although i didn't want...

coz scared my father
will scold...
went beach road..
juz 2 buy some
army stuffs...
had dinner...
then went home...

i played ps2 4 a while...
then went 2 bed...
but can't sleep...
at abt 1.30am..
i felt sleepy...
n slept...

then not sure
at wat time...
i had leg cramp...
it was very painful..

i kinda shout..
but not so loud...
coz didn't wan 2 wake
my parents up...
but unluckily...
i woke my bro up...

then he sae dat
i had cramp coz
d fan was at my leg...
n stuffs...

then he switched it off...
wah..
my bro is d best...
then i waited 4 d cramp
2 b over..
then..
i slept...

SUNDAE
in d morning..
can still feel
a little bit of pain...

then do hmwk...
then watch
another movie...
from my bro's laptop...
fridae watched
bourne ultimatum...
2dae watched
the simpsons movie...

then watch tv...
then..my mum came home...
bought lunch...
2 tell d truth...
i dun really like
food frm outside..

i hate it...
but juz eat it..
so my mum will b happy...
2nite..
i will sleep at 1.30am...

so never post
for a few days..
my heart was damn
hurt these few days...

ok..
hmm..

thursdae(16/8)
had history test...
had some argument
wif techno ah-ma...
dat is mdm leong...
in case u dun noe...

she is a b****
she everytime scold us
during art lesson...
then 2dae...
we were not so noisy...
den she sae we get
A for dis lesson...
so wat???
big deal...
A in art?
hmm...
nah...

then when we finish
painting n went to
toilet 2 wash...

b4 dat...
when mdm leong gave
rauf a brush...
d hairbrush was
oredi like..shit...

so i dunno if
mdm leong is blind
or wat..
coz she saw a long line
of ink frm
2i3 to 2i4...

she quickly called
mr go...
then when mr go
came...
walao..
she act tough...
she accused us..
sae dat 2i3 n 2i1
so guai..
so it muz b us hu did it...
bullshit man...

she talking joke lah...
freako!
then i sae 2 her if
she saw any of us doing it...

she sae sumtink...
then i very angry i tink...
i sae 2 her in front of mr go...
i said
"I SWEAR I NEVER DID IT!
IF I DID IT,
I SHALL BE STRUCK BY LIGHTNING!"

then some ppl
in d class lauhged...
they tink it is funny...
but i dun tink so...
i very angry at her coz
anyhow accuse...
n d way she talked 2 us...
wah..i feel like slapping her...

then mr go talk sumtink...
then i sae 2 him
"mr go..outside got
camera wat..
go n see who did it lah...
wat is d use of d camera
if u never see???"

wah..dis words...
it came out of my mouth
accidentally..
cos i was very very angry...

then mr go sae we
nid 2 clean up
d marks...
then sumtink made me
even more angry...
i saw her smile after
she scold us!!!

she very *toot* lah!!
so we no choice...
we clean...
then during
history...
mr yew came..
he sae abt d incident...
he sae dat we
shud respect 'em...
coz they r old ppl..
n they may have
sickness...

then su ying sae
"she never show us respect oso!"
then i sae 2 mr yew...
"they r old then dun teach!!
we never force 'em
2 come to our class...
they came themselves...

mr yew was oso
like bloody shit...
never understand us...
he juz sae abt respect...

i dun tink
he is fit 2 become
our form teacher..
cos he alwaes show us
d "don't trust you" look...
he n mdm leong r
d teachers i hate d most now...
but i will still hate clement yew
very much...

then some boys
have 2 mit mdm oen
wif their parents...
wah damn shit...
adults...
they tink
they r right...
they never believe
wat we sae...

when they themselves
r pure liars...

i changed d music
blog background...
so yeah..listen to it...
coz it is kinda nice
n oso have a meaning 2 me...


Lyrics

I'm on my last breath
Who'd thought it'd be me
I'm leaving behind
love
life
family
And i'll say these last words
I'll fight the pain from within
The bleeding won't stop
I'll stop to take this all in

When it comes down to this
A scene that we've seen before
(A scene that we've seen before)
I won't let you go
I won't stand to watch
as this walls start
to fall apart

I'm falling away
Away from your arms
That kept me so close
to the things that I love
I'm holding it back
take me back to your heart
A place to remember
I'll always be yours

The warmth from your hands
as they hold me so close
I'm losing this fight
now i need u the most
I'll wait for the time
though my days running thin
I'll count down the clock
I'll stop to take this all in

When it comes down to this
A scene that we've seen before
(A scene that we've seen before)
I won't let you go
I won't stand to watch
as this walls start
to fall apart

I'm falling away
Away from your arms
That kept me so close
to the things that I love
I'm holding it back
take me back to your heart
A place to remember
I'll always be yours

I'm falling away
Away from your arms
That kept me so close
to the things that I love
I'm holding it back
take me back to your heart
A place to remember
I'll always be yours

p.s. the song may have sumtink wrong..
i tink..
bear wif it..
if cannot, juz turn ur volume down...

more pics will
b posted in d next post..
i went 2 d teacher's table...
opened d drawer..
saw maggots..
n flies...
yuck...
took picture of it..
then revised history again...

2nite gonna sleep at 3am...
my parents wud have been
asleep oredi...
so i wud either revise history
or i wud cry a bit..
or listen to music...

sumtymes when i cry...
i tink dat i m useless...
i hate myself...
hate myself 4 d mistakes
dat i have done...
hate myself coz it hurts me
when i see my loved ones
hurt or injured...
hate myself when
ppl had done a lot
of sacrifices 4 me...

whenever she scold me...
i will blame myself..
scold myself...
i tink of myself as ungrateful..
coz ppl do gud tings 4 me...
n i repay 'em by
troubling 'em
even when they r busy...

i hate myself...
argh....
oh..juz remembered...
in d morning..
my mum walked me 2 sch...
as i was kissing her hand...
she sae she wan 2 kiss
my forehead..
coz it was said in d radio...
i let her kiss..

i asked myself...
did she do it juz
becuz d radio
told mothers 2 do so??
or is it juz a sign of love
from her???

i dunno...
i mean if she loved me...
she wudn't nid 2 b told by radio..
she wud have d initiative..

well..i dun blame her...
i mean..
i m a teenager now..
so she tot dat she
wud let me have some "freedom"...

it's like when i m small,
she wud hold my hands...
n now..
when i had grown up...
she kinda let go of my hand...
n i m like..
falling away frm her...

*sob*sob*
*sniff*sniff*

gonna post a short one..
so 2dae...
a bit sleepy...
slept at 1am...
woke up at 5.50am
reached school around 6.50am...
went toilet n cry...
coz sumtink happen...
then it was reading..then EL
quite sleepy..
but i remembered abt sumtink...
very sleepy..

then AE..
it is ridiculous..
then it was recess..
after dat MT..
got an almost one
whole period scolding
from MT teacher...
but i dun care..

then it was MU
then Home Econs...
quite ok...
nid 2 cook solo..
for snacks..
cooked jemput-jemput pisang
got a 15/20...

maths extra class..
mrs tay went thru d wkst...
then after dat..
change for fac training..

got a scolding from
our ma'am...
even though she is not there...
had obsctacle course..
bandaging,pt,scenario
finish..
damn tired..

almost slept when
revising 4 maths tml...
aniwae it didn't get into my brain..

kinda vomit..
at home..
but my mum dunno..
dunno y vomit..
mayb ate sumtink not
suitable for me...

but toilet got stink
of vomit..
spray it with a deodarant..

now wan 2 go to sleep..
very tired..
tml morning then revise again..
i will wake up at 5.30am..

here is a poem
from me n my fren:

listen to my stories,
overhear my hidden secrets.
their modest is hightened,
because your not giving time to hear it.

sumberge yourself in my thoughts,
and watch my happiness dissipate.
Isolated by exploitation,
shreaded and torn by hate.

capulate into my vision,
embrace everything i expose.
it will be clouded and gripped by demons,
they emit everything i propose.

diffuse yourself into my body,
live my life for one day.
assisinate all of my evils
cant you see yet,
your
just
a rock
in my way.

d weekend n holidaes
were no holidaes 2 me...
coz i was like kinda
replaced sum1 on d fac team...
so yeah..
spent d holidaes
reading n sleeping with it..

sundae(12/8)
woke up at 12plus...
yesterdae slept very late..
around 4 to 5 am...
as i was goin 2 sleep..
my mum's alarm clock rang...
at 6am..d usual "routine"...
went back 2 sleep at 7.30am...
coz my bro keep disturbing me..
very irritating...

guys..
they r sooo immature...
when i woke up..
we had oredi planned 2
go watch a movie...
Rush Hour 3...
at jurong point..
it was nice n funny...

waited 4 mum..
4 her 2 finish her shift...
went back home...

Mondae(13/8)
woke up early..
coz i told mum dat
i wan 2 reach sch by 6.45am...

when she asked why...
i change subject..
well..
i wan 2 reach sch early
coz i dun wan my mum 2 b angry
1st thing in d morning..
coz it wud b listening
2 a radio..
except dat d radio dj
juz speak on n on...
wif no full stop..
or pause...

my father alwaes take taxi
every mon morning...
so i take taxi wif him..
i tot mum wud not go since
father wan 2 send me...

but she oso wan 2 follow...
y waste tyme 2 send me..
it's onli 4 a short while..
in a taxi..

crossed d road..
reached class..
kinda bored...
went 2 2i1..
saw huiling..
discussed abt d FAC...

huling saw a grasshopper...
outside d class..
it kinda looked like d grasshopper
dat i caught b4 in d sch along d corridor
near d npcc room..

but i dun care lah...
went back 2 class...
sit down..
watch ppl..
seeing more n more ppl
coming in...

then bell rang..
had reading..
read a ghost story book...
then it was MT..
i got 37/50...
okay...
not so satisfied..
i wan it 2 b lower a bit
like 30 to 35...

then it was maths..
went thru correction 4 math test...
got a 37/50...again...
then it was kinda revision test...

i did 4 qns...
then it was recess..
went to library to do project...

after recess was eng...
ms chan gave out all d maths paper..
told us 2 do all...
while having d eng oral..

i was doing my work..
when ms chan called me..
but i tot she called sum1 else..
i asked dennis..
he said me...
i was like..oh..

ms chan n i took a stroll down d class..
we reached at a place..
near d spiral staircase...
told me dat she had a glimpse
at my blog...

talked some stuff..
cannot reveal wat it is...
i was gonna cry when she was talking..
but i tried 2 control...
but i cannot control anymore..
n tears start to roll down my cheek..

b4 i cried,while ms chan was talking
i saw mdm oen downstairs...
saw d counsellor..

then d counsellor came up..
went 2 d counselling room..
then came back out..
she saw me kinda start 2 cry..
she came...
i looked away..
n tried 2 wipe my tears...

she talked 2 ms chan...
then when i saw her leaving..
i turn 2wards ms chan but i looked down
on d ground..
ms chan then talked...
she said i mus b patient..

well,part of my life..
i can c dat i m more impatient...

then she asked if
she can let d counsellor read
my blog..
i was like..?????
erm...
well..i juz sae ok...
but i jus remembered dat
i did posted abt her
d dae when she talked 2 me..
but it's ok..
i have no fear..
i mean i can express my feelings
n all d happenings here right??

so yeah..
i kinda manage 2 stop crying..
but i still wan 2 cry...
then ms chan asked if
she could give me a hug...
when i was hugging her..
i really cannot control my
crying...
i cry..
then i went 2 toilet..
washed my face...
cool down...

saw my eyes were red..
n my nose oso red...
went back..
continue 2 do d math test...
but i can't tink properly..
i still wan 2 cry...
i couldn't focus...

so i juz do...
even though ms chan
had given me extra time,
i juz gave up..
coz d qns were too hard..

then it was sci..
mr yew gave out tidbits...
coz we did well in d charity bazaar...
i told him i dun wan..
but i didn't tell him why...
there r a few reasons...
1) it's a charity!
u do it sincerely!
u don't expect any reward...
2) i hate him..
whatever he gives
excluding homework/wksts
i will never accept it..
let me repeat...
I WILL NEVER ACCEPT
WATEVER HE GIVES
3) i hate him very much
4) i hate him so much
dat when i dreamt abt him..
i wud shout at him..
scold him...
until sum1 woke me up..

there was once when i scored
d sci test well,
he gave me a tidbit..
i wud either sae i dun wan it
or if i m lazy 2 open my mouth..
i wud juz throw it away..
it juz disgust me..
even when i wan 2 go washroom..

i wud hold d pass at d tip..
n put it on d basin cabinet..
leave it there..
then when i came out of d cubicle..
then i wud take it..

d class was eating d tidbits..
i saw mdm oen..
sum1 was munching away..
then she said sumtink..
sum1 said mr yew
allow us 2 eat..

then i saw mdm oen looked
at mr yew..
mr yew was like smiling..
i was wishing dat mdm oen will
scold mr yew..
but she left..

after sci was history..
hate history..
too much info..
i remembered i had a fren..
in my tuition class last time..
we were discussing abt wars..
then dis guy said he hate wars..
coz wars will have history...
n he hate history..
i kinda agree wif him..
y can't d world be at peace
throughout d whole years..?

then bell ring..
end of lesson..
mr ng..
very ........
he waited 4 so long..
even if a person walk from his place
4 a while..
he will wait 4 him 2 get
back 2 his place...
very annoying...

i m totally disappointed...
damn it...
i m not disappointed in anybody...
but myself...

i m a useless girl...
wateva i do is wrong...
nothing seems right...
i m juz so stupid...

i hate myself...
i really HATE MYSELF!!!
what do i have 2 do
2 pay 4 my SINS??
well, actually..
i m not sure wat i have committed...
but dis feeling inside me...
it keeps bugging me...

when there r ppl arnd
esp. my family/my loved ones..
i will try not 2 break their hart
by crying..
w/o any reason...

d onli tyme i can
cry is either during
recess in school..
coz every1 in class wud go
4 recess...

or when i m mostly
alone at home...
i wud cry...
dat's wat i alwaes do
most of d tyme...

i wan 2 bang my head
against d wall...
i dun care if it hurts...
coz it is oredi hurting inside...

i hope..
i will have an internal bleeding...
or brain concussion..
so dat..
i will not noe
dat i'll b dying..
n i'll juz die in a sec..

where no 1 rescue me...
no one gets help...
every1 juz ignore...
as if nothing is happening..

it wud b gud..
u may tink i m silly...
or selfish...
or wadeva u can call me..

if u have d guts..
sae those words to my face..
n i will give u not
juz a piece of my mind..
but d whole piece of me...

count urself lucky
if i tink of u as my worthy fren..
or u happen not 2 noe
wat is going on wif me lately...
i won't blame u...
i'll hate myself even more...

hit me if u wan..
slap me if u wan..
stab me if u wan..
but u can't KILL me...
coz only i, myself, can kill me...

u noe d word "acting"?
well..dat's wat i m doing..
i m acting happy in front of u all...
nobody noes d real me...
nobody...
coz everybody is
too busy with their own lives...
which i will never blame 'em...

TO ALL MY FRENS...
I M DEEPLY SORRY DAT I M UR FREN...
WE SHUD HAVE NEVER MET OR EVEN SPOKE...
I DON'T DESERVE TO B UR FREN...
COZ I DUN SHOW GUD EXAMPLES 2 U ALL...
I M VERY SORRY..
HOPE U ACCEPT MY APOLOGY..
EVEN IF U DON'T...
IT'S OK..
I WON'T BLAME U...
EXCEPT MYSELF....

ok..i continue
frm last post..
then i was like...
okay..
why she wan 2 quit
now??
then joanne ma'am sae..
2 ms haiza
to let ME replace ying shuen...
i was like..
WHAT???
i dun even noe anitink..
i onli wan 2 watch 'em train!
wtf!
wat have i got myself into???
i have no choice..
so i sae okay..

then..we went 4 pt..
along d canal...
we did pumping position,
dipping,duck walking,
frog jumping..
it was kinda fun..
n oso tiring...

then we went home...
we planned 2
mit at my house...
on fridae...
okay...
so on fridae...
hmm...
they came...
they kinda
"admired" my house...
then they began 2 eat
d snacks from my house...
while doing some scenarios...
then we went 4 pt..
we go 2 a jogging track
bhind my house...

attracted a lot of
mosquitoes...
very itchy...
wanted 2 play
basketball...
but no air...
so we decided 2 play..
table tennis...
coz there is a place 4 table tennis...
n oso brought along badminton...

saw shi yuan lying down..
mardi was like
calling 4 help...
huling oso lying down...
but huling was fake...
shi yuan was half fake
n half real...
she injured her palm...
abrasion..
quite red...

then we went back
2 d void deck...
saw elderly ppl...
gathering aroung d table..
cindy n huiling
asked 'em
if they can kinda
move away...
coz we wan 2 play...
but they dun wan...
so we no choice...
we went 2 d park
again..
then play badminton...
leg very itchy suddenly...

went back home...
mardi wanted 2 c
my bro's face..
haha...
she didn't manage 2 c...
coz my bro in his room...
playing ps2...

my bro is shy..
coz many gals...
yea..

they ate d snacks...
my fave panda choc
finish...
unbelievable...
but it's ok..
they're my guests...
yeah..

we watched mtv...
rihanna..
then watched hi-5..
mardi n cindy
really wild...
they very excited...
especially cindy...
she noes d songs..

then watched lazy town..
although some sae
not nice...
but we still watch...
we oso laugh..
coz quite lame...
haha...

then they decided
2 go home...
at arnd 4.30pm..

i cleaned up d hall
n empty d dustbin
then watch 'epic movie'
wif my bro..
while eating nasi briyani
4 lunch...

d movie kinda nice...
it's like scary movie...
except it's not scary...
it's funny..
n got a bit of pornic scenes...
got a scene frm harry potter,
x-men,da vinci code,nacho libre,
narnia,chocolate factory...
quite lame..
but funny...
n very porny..haha
i mean got
really naked women...
they never censored it...
n a sex scene...eww...

but my bro
very innocent...
when got those scenes...
he skipped it..
so blessed 2 haf a bro lidat..?
i tink..

yesterdae..
woke up at 5.30am...
coz of d charity bazaar thingy...


reached there..
but i see no
one was in school...
so my parents n i
wait outside...


then i saw..
a few pupils oredi
coming in 2 school...
i saw renon n elsen...


but i still wait..
then there was a horn...
i turned
n saw mardi waving...


i then go into school
saw dat there were
oredi many ppl...

then we waited
at our booth..
saw mr yew
coming..
then saw eng hoong...
wif a lot
of things with her...
she really is helpful...

then we set up
d booth...
had pledge-taking
ceremony..
then ppl start 2 buy
our stuff...
many ppl
were buying
ice cream float...
i was one of d ppl
in charge...
i quickly arrange some ice
into cups...
then we found out
dat d water is running out...

then we had 2
tell d crowd dat we
had no water left...

then mardi go 2 2i7
stall n play..
coz if win get a 1.5l water...

then it got sold out...
d marshmallows...
n d muffins...
ok..
d frenship thingy...
from $2 to $0.50...
baik man...

then had a concert....
yea..
kinda short...
then we went 2 joanne ma'am's
house...
had first aid
at her house...
did a lot of practicals...
shi yuan called ms haiza
2 confirm who is in d FAC...

joanne ma'am
spoke 2 ms haiza...
then joanne ma'am
told us dat ying shuen
decided 2 drop out...
bcoz she sae dat
we kinda leave her out..
wth..
she alwaes bz wif her
photography...
hiyah...

Here is a poem:

ok...
so...yesterdae...
hm...
oh..yesterdae..
reading was in hall..
damn hot n stuffy...

then..
reading was interrupted...
mr go talked abt d consequences
of vandalising d flag...
then he said dat 4 boys
had vandalized it by
tying d flag 2gether wif d urinal bowl
so they r 2 b caned
in front of d school on stage...
everybody was "excited"
d boys took turns
2 b caned...
but there is a book
stuck bhind their butt...
so not really dat pain...
aniwae use a normal
kind of cane...
wood...

aniwae...
after school...
siti went home...
stayed 4 a while...
see d rehearsal
of ndp "parade"...
saw jeslynn
leanna n ying shuen...

then i went home...
did my homework...
then i accidentally
fall asleep...
at around 7.30pm...

i was woken up
when my father
sae "alwaes sleeping"
in an angry voice...

then my mum
woke me up...
she sae dat my father
was angry...
n asked me 2 eat dinner...

i woke up...
i was in d toilet...
i tot 2 myself...
wat is his problem?
i never disturb him...
i was only sleeping...

last tyme..
when i wasn't
sleeping u all
ask me 2 go 2 sleep...
now dat i m sleeping..
u all wake me up...

juz wat d hell
do u wan frm me???
if u dun like me...
u can juz open
ur bloody mouth n tell!!
i'll leave d house...
u won't see my face!

i went out of d toilet...
actually i dun feel like
eating at all...
these daes...
my appetite is
decreasing...
not bcoz i wan 2 lose weight...

2 all those who tink i
m going on diet or wateva shit...
i advice u better shut up...
n take back ur words...
b4 i PUNCH
ur big BLOODY mouth...

so i ate my dinner...
n watch tv 4 a while
n i sleep...

2dae...
quite angry...
bcoz i can still
remember yesterdae...
my parents...
i did not talk 2 'em...

i juz nod or
shake my head...
i did not even look
at them in d eye...

i walk wif my mum...
2 school..
did not even speak a word...

reached school...
saw dat siti's bag
was not at her table...
tot mayb she and
mardi n shi yuan
go kristie's class..

however,siti was absent...
went around classes
2 give pre-order list...
during cme...

as usual...
AE sux...
except...
there was sumtink interesting...
d chinese teacher...
had a lot of thick
armpit hair...
i saw it...
n laughed..

recess...
as usual..
sat in class...
broke d code
from renon's bag...
renon is my bro...
he is cool...
he sent me
my fave superstar's theme...
wow...

then it was sci...
we were dicussing
abt tml...
we sell muffins...
marshmallows
dipped in chocs...
ice-cream float...
n angel n mortal thingy...

then yee tiong ask
mr yew if d muffins
were halal..
guess wat?
mr yew smiled...
n calmly said...
"erm...NO..."
wtf...

he didn't tell us
abt it...
moreover...
he haf malays
in his form class....
halo!???...
MALAYS!!
but i tink shud
b cn coz muffin
where got use
pork or lard...
rite?

stupid clementi
yew tee...
i totally hate him...

hi there...
so yesterdae..
i n my parents
went 2 ndp...

it was kinda fun
n boring..
bcoz there were
no fireworks...
but dat is ok coz
i've seen it b4...

then we waited
4 my bro
2 b dismissed at his camp...

then bought dinner...
nasi lemak...
then reached home...
asked my mum
where 2 put clothes
n she was like shouting
at me...
Is it wrong 2 ask?
then she began
her typical nagging...

then i was going
2 eat...
i was d last 1 2 eat...
then my bro
saw thread..
in his drink...
he wanted 2 take
a tissue frm
d kitchen roll..
then he was like
struggling with 1 hand
to pull d tissue roll...

then i was goin'
2 help him...
he said.."can u help me?"
in an angry way...
i was like..
hey, i was gonna help...
this is wat i deserve?
fine..i m unlucky..

then i watched tv
until 1am...
then slept in my room...
my bro was trying
2 wake me up..
but i juz ignore him...

then my mum
was like shouting...
she shouted dat if
i never wake up..
she will pinch me...
i juz continue sleeping...

then she came
n pinch me on
my right arm real hard...
ouch...it really hurts..
but i act as if i didn't...
i slowly drag myself
2 d bathroom...

i cried...
i was angry...
not 2 her...
but myself...
i pinch on my left arm
real hard...
is there a law
dat says u muz wake up
early in d morning at 6am??
i mean c'mon...
it's a weekend...
hello..weekend...
no school..
suppose 2 b a rest dae 4 me...

well after i bathed...
my nose was red...
i looked down so
dat she won't notice..

i ate 2 bread...
then i slept in
my room...
i looked at
d mark
dat my mum pinched...

it was kinda red..
i looked at d left arm...
n it was red too...

i acted as if
i was sleeping...
but actually
i was crying...
y muz she punch me??
y can't she take
a sharp knife n
stab me as many
times as she wants...
i won't blame her...
in fact i will thank her...
coz she has
released me from d
pain...

when my father
n my bro got home...
i did not talk much...
my bro wud talk 2 me...
or try 2 joke with me..
but i acted as if i was
busy studying...

whenever
i look at my right arm...
it hurts...
my heart hurts..
i tink dat i m
useless...
hopeless...
helpless..
stupid...

it pains me...
it really does...
my heart is in pain...
but i never die...
sometimes i wonder...
if i have a real heart...
d world is getting
darker 4 me...
i can see nothing...
i hope 2 see nothing...
coz it always hurts...

so when my mum
came back from her work...
she talked 2 me
as if nothing
had happened in d morning...
i was kinda disappointed..
i tried not 2 talk 2 her....
n she thought dat
i was not feeling well...

not feeling well huh?
well i guess u dun
noe me well
as ur daughter...
all u care is about money...
work...
dat is all u can tink of...
hey..i can give u money...
i can give u everytink...
i dun nid money...
it's not important 2 me...

well..dat is all i wan 2 post...
i nid 2 study 4 my maths test...
i nid 2 focus...
even though i can't...

well..
2dae..
is quite good and bad..
gud bcoz..
erm..
caught a grasshopper..?

well bad...
hmm....
a lot of bad...
bad bcoz i dun tink
i did well 4 my MT ct...
bad bcoz mondae..
there is goin 2 b
a maths mock test..
which is kinda scary...


bad bcoz i felt tired
MT lesson...
bad bcoz i cried again....
in class during recess...
bad bcoz i dun really
understand chapter 4 of history...


there r a lot more...
but i will not reveal it..
so after school...
stayed back..
ate lunch...
then sat in d middle
of d parade square...


i listened 2 my mp3
while shi yuan
n mardi get some 'tanning'...
n kristie too...


then we go
2 d red cross room...
watched mardi,shi yuan,
huling n cindy practice
4 their competition...


but it was kinda bored
looking at 'em...
so i listened 2 music
in my phone...
then i cried a bit...
but stopped...
which is very lucky 4 me...


esther ma'am was
sitting beside me...
then she said
"nada dun b too emo..."
i was like..wth...
i hate people calling
me dat word..
so i will dislike them
until they apologise...


i will still b frenz
wif 'em..
but deep down a lot of
hatred on d person...


den..
we watched d 4 of 'em...
having a practical test...
then..we went 4 pt..
then we bought bubble tea
n went home...


let me share wif u a poem...

heys...
2dae is kinda ok
4 me...
but during recess
i cried a bit...
but stop after a while...
coz mr govin
suddenly appeared...


d 1st period was p.e...
we had to run 2 round...
then can play badminton...
but i juz walk while
mardi,siti,eng hoong n yan qing
run coz they wan 2 play badminton...

i juz walk...
jovin n jolene walk wif me...
jovin was like encouraging me...
like 'there is alwaes a better dae
4 tmrw...'sumtink lidat...


then we went up d hall...
me n jolene was sitting down
at 1st..
then we played...
but i dun really feel like
playing...

i only play coz
jolene wanted 2 play...
so i juz play wif her...
i didn't noe bell had rang...
it was 10 mins later dat mr yeo
came n scolded us...

we quickly went back...
mr yew was oredi waiting....
d lesson was confusing...
even though i try 2 understand..
i still dun understand...


then it was malay...
i totally 4got dat
there was a test...
but i told myself...
that it's okay..
no nid 2 worry a lot...

we exchanged papers
after finishing d paper...
i scored 42/50...
n i heard dat i was d highest...
i didn't like it...
i tot dat sum1 like razi or syafiq
wud get d highest...
i dun noe why...
but i dun like being d highest...
to me...
being d highest in mt
is nothing...

coz i dun feel happy or
proud of myself...
in fact, i felt really angry
n sad...
it is as though
i had failed the test...


*sigh*
it is really not gud
4 me dis year...
i tried 2 b happy at school
n in d presence of my parents...
but whenever there is nobody...
i will cry...
i juz cried...
i can't stop it...


then it was art..
i dun really like d lesson
firstly d teachers..
secondly chinese painting...
i tink dat it is a waste of ink n paper...


then it was cme..
ms chan was on mc...
so we had 3 free periods...
however,mrs tay
came in d 2nd period
of cme...
we had maths test...

once again..
i m not so confident
of passing d test...
even if i pass...
i wud not reach 15 n above..
then mrs tay continued 2 teach
us maths till 1.3opm...


i stayed back...
mardi had 2 go 4 her
chinese class...
siti had to go home
coz she was hungry...

so only me,jun tong
n daniel cheng's bag...
in class...
then jun tong left...
daniel cheng took his bag n left...
so i was all alone...
in d class..

i was doing some maths
homework while listening
2 my mp3...
cried a bit coz
a song in my mp3 was
very sad 2 me...

then at around 4.40 pm..
i packed up n went home...
reached home n ate lunch...
i ate biscuits n milo...
d usual meal 4 me..


now i all alone at home
till 10pm...
wif no one 2 talk to...
or accompany...
juz d tv...


tml haf ct...
malay...
so i will juz study
stuffs dat i noe...
dat's d end of my post...
thank u 4 reading it...

yesterdae..
had reading period...
then it was eng period...
then AE class..

i am totally
not interested
in AE...
i don't see how
i am going 2 use it
especially..
if my class is learning ballet...
which i totally hate
coz i dun really like when
they stand on their "toes"

when i was watching csi,
d detectives discovered dat
d murdered victim was a ballerina...
bcoz of her weird toes twist...
i mean like d joints of d toes were bent...
yeah...sumtink lidat..

then it was recess...
i did not go 4 recess..
as always..
i m alone in d class...

then it was mt...
n music...
then it was home econs...
y r they so evil 2 punish us
waste paper?
dun they noe dat they
are causing global warming???
i dun like hm econs teachers...

i got back my test paper..
i got 13/20...
as i had thought...
i wud not do very well...
even if i stay up all nite..
my effort of revising
is juz a waste of time...

i oso got 2 noe dat
i got d lowest mark...
wow..
mayb my wish came true...

came back home..
do homework...
woke up at 7pm...
revised 4 tml history(which is 2dae)
but i cud not get anitink
into my head...

arghhhhh....
so i haf a feeling dat
i will not do well
in my history test...

then it was art...
mr meng thought
us 2 draw cherries..
i tink dat it is a waste of time...
2 do all chinese calligraphy...
chinese painting...

then it was p.e...
tot dat 2dae we
r going 2 play badminton...
but some ppl occupied d hall
so no nid...
played soccer with renon
for a while..
juz kicking d ball 2wards him..
but i dun really feel
like playing...
so luckily...
it began 2 rain
n mr govin was shouting at d
ppl in school uniform
playing basketball...

went back 2 class...
sat there..
then change into school inform...
listened 2 music frm my phone...
then i cried...

ok...
so now i m going 2 confess...
why i cried...
the reason is...
i hate myself...

yeah..
i hate myself...
sometimes...
i feel like ending it all...
but i dun wan...
bcoz i still love
my family...
my frenz..
n every1 i had met...

at home...
my mum alwaes nag at me...
for not doing sumtink rite...
or homework..
or my room...

if i was holding a pen...
i wud squeeze d pen tightly...
at unlucky times...
i was holding a 2b pencil...
n i was like squeezing it...
n it broke into 2...
i quickly hide it somewhere....

my hand wud feel a little pain....
sometimes, it wud bleed a bit...
but i like to feel the pain...
so dat my heart won't feel
so painful...

i m disappointed
of myself...
disappointed of wat
i have become...
i was in 3rd place
in the 1st semester...
i was really shock
n deeply upset about dis...
i mean if i was in d top 10...
then it wud b ok...

but 3rd?
to me it is like sending some1
straight 2 hell
by d end of d year...

some more...
dis year i haf been distracted...
it actually has started in january...
but i tot dat i cud control it...
then in april...
my bro went 4 ns...
i cried even more...

i have become more lonely...
in school...
home...
anywhere...

then...
when my mum started
2 nag n
sae all things...
wehich really hurt me...
i wud act as if i never hear...
then...
i wud either go toilet
or my room...
n cry...
my parents will not noe...
they onli noe dat...
i m lazy..
onli noe how 2 eat n sleep...
not responsible
or considerate...

but..
let it b...
as long as she is happy...
dat she scolds me...
i can endure all this...
i can suffer in silence...

but i can't hide my emotions
well..
the place dat hurts most
is my heart...
i m thankful 2 all my frenz...
who showed care n concern...
but i repay u with my silence n tears...
so i tink i m not fit 2 b ur frens...

mayb i m meant 2 b all alone....
i dunno...
everybody's changing...