i woke up..
in the morning..
had a cold bath...
then..slept again...


woke up at around 11am..
do homework...
watched my fave..
csi,csi:new york,csi:miami...
i like to watch csi..


then..
it was like 3pm..
my father very lazy
to buy lunch so he call kfc
but the number was busy...

he called a few times..
but still cannot..
so he gave up...
then slept...
wth..

i heated water...
and had bicuits with milo...
i always do that when
i get home after school
for lunch..

i dun really eat that much
for lunch unless my mum bought sumtink....
then my father woke up..
he go out and meet my mum
to buy dinner..

they got back at around
7pm..
i had cooked rice...
they buy chilli crab,
grilled stingray,sambal kangkong...
i was like..okay....


but i ate a little bit coz
i was too full...
that is all i remember
i just remembered
dat i haf eng common test tml..
so i studied a bit..
which was useless
bcoz it is compo
n u will not noe wat topic...


i woke up at 5.45 am lidat..
n memorized a bit...
then i bathe n dressed up 4 school....
reached there...
after flag-raising ceremony...
felt sleepy..

then saw mr yew..
made my blood boil...
reached class...
then the paper was given out
and it started...
read the questions...
set up by ms haiza...
the questions were like..
erm..damn "difficult" to express...


i wrote the last question..
d question saes dat
i haf to write real or imaginative account
on a story entitled 'A Difficult Choice'
at 1st i haf no idea..
but i had an idea..
i wrote about me n my bf...
then i edit a bit...

i wrote dat i was a flop
in my studies ever since
i met firdaus..
difficult choice:study or love...
chose study 1st..
but sad story..
firdaus died in an accident...
so sad...


then..time's up...
it was malay period...
cikgu never come...
then it was maths...
quite ok..

recess..alone in class...
eng period..
sci n history...
then went home...

n do homework...
after dat i slept...

oh..yesterdae...
i 4got 2 tell u abt
fri training...

well..it's not really
a training...
coz me,hl n cindy...
go rc room n colour d posters...
until d end of d training...

when we entered
d red cross room...
i cried...
dunno y...
i felt miserable...
my heart seems 'heavy'..

dunno y lah...
hl ask me...
but i juz kept quiet...
i juz cry....

it seems like i alwaes
cry everydae...
n dis week i cried d most...

aniwae...
d poster was quite nice...
yeah...
they had water parade...
siti was damn wet..

went home...
n waited 4 mum
2 b back at arnd
8 plus pm 4 dinner...

i do maths homework...
then watch tv...
i slept...
but woke up
when cindy told me..
she sent a script
4 tml's cac...
then i wanted 2 print...
but my printer got problem...
halfway printing
got some weird numbers...

2dae woke up at 5.50am...
had cereal wif milk...
n then went 2 siti's house
coz mardi 4got 2 return
me my red cross nametag...

then reached at mac...
met huiling...
cindy was late...
had breakfast...

met ms lee...
took a cab...
slept halfway....
got stomach cramp
n felt like vomitting...

reached ang mo kio sec...
change into uniform...
then touched up our
posters...
we used a box n pasted it...
so we can turn it easily...
n show it 2 d judges
yeah...

we waited...
then d judges reached at our
booth...
we did okay
but we kept looking at d scripts..
d judge ask some qns..
then we were relieved
when they finish judging...

we waited till lunch at 1.40 pm...
then we went up back...
we sat down...
they announced d top 3
in all districts...
our district was d last 2 b announced...

then..
it was our district...
we were d 2nd runner up...
we were very happy....
d trophy was nice...

then we took pics
n then went to take a cab...
we reached at city hall
changed into rc shirt
n track pants...

then cindy realise her hp
was not with her...
she go back 2 toilet...
cud not find..
she search her bag...
then went 2 toilet again
with huiling...

n came back...
she found it...
she was happy n relieved...
then we went 2 mrt station...

i went back wif huling...
i alight frm mrt at lakeside..
took 187...
n reached home...

2dae was not so gud
like yesterdae..
i came 2 school...
n do malay w.s wif siti
4 a while...

then i saw kristie...
went 2 her class
n teach her how
2 polish boots...

then go back class
n had 2 periods of eng lesson...
it was ok...
learnt how 2 do
conversation...
so muz think quickly...

after dat had 1 period
maths n 1 period history...
it was raining heavily
n there was lightning n thunder...
razi was like playing wif rain water...

then at d end of history lesson...
razi splashed rain water at me..
it got into my eyes...
i very angry...
i scold him..
i sae i never did any wrong
to him..y he splashed me...

dunno wad got over me...
i got angry n throw
my history textbk at him...
very hard..
i actully wanted 2 throw
at his head but i aim at his back...

then i heard he say
he juz splashed water
n wan 2 get angry over it...
i kinda agree wif him...
y do i get so agitated
over small matter?
i didn't used 2 b lidat...

as i was angry...
i had wanted 2 sae...
if i chop of ur dick
n sae dat i was juz joking...
how wud u react?

but i dun wan 2 sae..
i was angry...
i wan 2 control...
cool down...

during recess...
i didn't go down...
i dun really like
to go down 4 recess..
so usually i will b all alone...
yea..

after recess is 1 period of history...
n 2 periods of mt...
it felt like d lessons end quite fast...
so after sch
me,mardi n siti ate in school...
then we went library...
played scrabble...
then changed 4 training...
i lent mardi my red cross nametag
since i m not wearing uniform...

coz tml got competition..
but she 4got 2 give it back 2 me...
so i m in trouble...
i m alwaes in trouble
n alwaes unlucky...
i haf been doing badly
4 some tests...

i m not happy..
i will nid 2 buck up...
yea...
d end...

2dae is kinda ok 4 me...
i cud finally smile a bit...
yeah...
but let me tell u abt yesterdae...
coz it's kinda weird...

ohk..so i told my mum
to wake me up at 5.30...
bcoz got science test...

then..
when i reached school...
i was holding a science book...
then a school counsellor
came out of d general office...

we had a conversation:
school counsellor:gd morning!
me:gd morning...
school counsellor:studying hard 4 ur sci?
me:(i juz smile n nod)
school counsellor:wad class r u frm?
me:2i2...
school counsellor:ouh..nada is it?
me:yea...how did u noe my name?
school counsellor:oh..bcoz i saw ur name on d prefect list...u r a prefect rite?
me:oh...

ohk..dis is d weird part...
how she noe my name..
i mean..
mardi n siti r oso prefects...
n if there was my name on d prefect list...
it wud b 'Qatrunnada' n not 'Nada'...
so how she noe my name?
i suspect...
i onli suspect arh...
no proof...
i suspect dat it was mr yew
who told her my name...
but 4 wat?
so..i dun tink so...

i dunno....
*sigh*
d sci test was quite difficult...

ok..let's talk abt 2dae...
so..it was history 4 d 1st 2 period...
it was kinda boring n confusing...

next..it was eng...
it was kinda ok..
preparing 4 oral...
i read 2 d class...
got a 7 to 8..
yea...

then..it was p.e...
then recess...
then...music...
sang d national dae song...
then it was mt...
kinda boring..
then it was art...
i hate calligraphy...
y muz everytink b chinese?
racist...

so..ok..wadeva...
then..i was going home...
saw ms chan at 2i1..
waved at her..
she talked 2 me..
abt d mon n tues issue...
after dat..
i went home...

things r kinda compliceted...
i dun noe how 2 express 'em..
i dun noe wat's happening 2 me..
i alwaes feel negative...
being used...pushed aside...
lonely..
weak...
useless...
hopeless...
helpless...

i m gonna share with u a poem..
No one can comprehend me
I'm not like them
A crime which deserves just punishment
I feel shuned and disowned
I am marked and pegged
I open up to people
But they close their ears

Perhaps if I were in a metroplis
Then I would find others like me
But, I'm stranded in a village
Where only one is acceptable

I long to stand and scream
Yell at the height of my voice
"Why do you judge when you do not know?"
But people just pass on; paying no mind

Now they do not hear
They cannot see the pain
For in the times we live
You are who people say

another poem...
i am hurting
Not knife in my chest hurting
Not sick hurting
Not the bodily hurt that sometimes comes like wild sobs
But just sorrow hurting
Hurting that I have no control
Hurting that I want to let go, but I can't
Hurting that I want to tell them...impossible

hi..
yesterdae got a stomach ache...
big time...
damn painful..
i cried..partly bcoz of dat n sumtink else...
but i can't tell...
it juz breaks my heart...

aniwae...
2dae is lyk d worst dae in my life!
no..no..
it is one of d worst days of my life...
wanna noe y?
well..let me begin...
i woke up n tot dat
i was late 4 sch..
i didn't wear my specs..
so i c d clock..
it is 6.30am...

i quickly pack my bag...
then..i shower...
then,as i was going 2 my room...
my mum asked mi if i tot
dat it was 6.30 or i purposely bathe...

i was shocked...
i told her i purposely...
then..i act as if i was doing a hmwk...
then..i fell asleep n woke up at 6.45
i wear my uniform n quickly go...
when i reach school..
i feel sleepy...
so i keep quiet n look down
on d floor...
if anybody ask mi anytink...
i will juz nod or shake my head...

d bell rang n it was tyme
2 go 2 canteen 4 assembly n reading...
after d pledge taking ceremony...
i read mardi's reader's digest
while she read my book...
then..as i was flipping through...
i saw my arch enemy...
my clement yew...
he called syafiq 4 d teacher-student chat...

i rmb dat after syafiq...
it is my turn!!!!
oh shit!
wad 2 do???
walao...
damn it lah...
i continue reading..
then suddenly...
mr yew came 2 d table...
he call me n ask me 2 come
n sit at a corner of d canteen
4 d teacher-student chat...

i slowly walk..he was sitting oredi..
yhen he saw mi..he show me
2 sit bside him...
wtf! nan bei sia...
some more d space so little..
so if i sit..i will b close 2 him...
but i juz sit...
then he told me dat
he heard i cried yesterdae
n asked mi if i had any problems...
i looked down on d floor...
i did not wan 2 look at his face....
i didn't talk much..i juz nod n shake
n talk a bit..yea..
then he said abt my bro..
dat was when i suddenly get
emotional n cried...
stupid me..
i myself dunno y i cry...
i wan 2 stop...
but my tears keep rolling down...
he told me not to cry...
he then say dat i alwaes
let my emotions
take control on me...

well..i dunno wat 2 sae..
but i kinda agree wif him...
seriously...
i dunno wat's happening
2 me...
i keep crying n i feel letdown...
by whom?
i dunno...

arghhh.....
wat's happening 2 me...
i hate being a teenager...
it sux...
i wan 2 b a child...
a child dat noes nothing...
not even right or wrong...
a child dat has no work...
stress-free...
n d only job 2 do is juz cry
when u r scolded...

these days..
i kinda feel sad n lonely...
it's like...
being alone in a corner...

ok..back 2 mr yew...
i finally managed 2 stop crying...
but i notice dat some of d 2i1 ppl
saw me crying...
wah..paiseh arh...
i wud not haf cried if
mr yew didn't mention
my bro...

he sae i nid 2
get close wif frens...
socialize or sumtink...
wth...but..wadeva..

2dae got aesthetics..
1st lesson..
our class keep saying...
dyan bapok n then yay yay...
then..suddenly..daniel cheng
say mr.chong bapok...
we laughed...
funny sia..but mr. chong dunno
wad it means..
so they juz sae it...
he took time 2 arrange us..
then...
when we going 4 recess oredi...
we chanted mr.chong bapok.. yay yay..
haha..
even d gerls chanted too...

i didnt eat anitink..
dun feel like eating..
lost my appetite...
then it was science...
lesson was fast cos
dyan wan 2 talk to us abt
d national day charity bazaar...
i was in-charge of
marshmallow dipped in choc...
yum..yum..

then it was home ec...
it sux.. i hate ms lai..
she tink she so gud meh?
d project thingy...research...
she anyhow sae i copy paste...
go 2 hell lah..
i summarise it ok...
i hate ms lai...
she will b on my list...
she ask me n siti 2 redo...

then it was maths...
i was nervous n
got a feeling dat i fail...
then..when get d paper...
i hsppy dat i pass but
unhappy then i get less than 15 marks...
haiya..
i muz work hard...
i'll try my best....

hello..i juz woke up..
hehe...
yesterdae i watch
wwe smackdown...
but fell asleep...
=.=

yesterdae
d training was
quite okay..
not too tough
not too slack
i tink...

so..yesterdae..
had lessons...
i hate mr yew
very much..
even if he is d
last teacher on
earth..i still hate
him..very much..

after sch..
at 1st plan 2 go
2 d kfc near hua yi sec
but mardi wan 2 go 2
d swimming complex...
she sae dat it was near..

when we reached there..
we ordered but haf 2 wait
quite long coz they still
cooking..
d cashier gave us
zinger burger 1st
so..we wait...
then d person gave us
4 burgers..
i tink she gave us extra...
so we gave it 2 suying
since she wanted it..

we ate in classroom..
there was razi,alif n kang yong...
razi collected some kind of a plant..
he sae if d person he give,
he will ask her 2 b his stead..
haha..wth..
he gave mardi but
mardi didn't take it...
so he was like
"heartbroken"...
he told alif n kang yong
who mardi is 'interested'
wif...
n of all ppl he told 'em...
it is..mr clement yew...
muahahhaha..
but i oso had 2 agree
cuz even during mr ng' lesson,
she called him mr yew..

n oso during mr yew's lesson..
mr yew alwaes call her...
like 'mardi,u wan 2 try?'
or 'how about u mardi?'
hehe...she was like..
i dunno angry..
razi continued 2 whisper
2 alif n kang yong...
n they kip laffing...

then..mardi chase razi
n scream after him...
hehe..it was funny..
razi ran...cuz he is a football
player..so he is fast..
but he ran a lil' bit slow so dat
mardi can't catch him...

aniwae..we change into
mufti...while waiting
to fall in..we saw kristie...
i heard dat she had a fall...
then after dat...
while putting down my bottles...
i saw jesslyn's wrist..
there were like slashes..
juz like my fren when
he was depressed...
i told mardi..
we talked to her...
she juz sae ok..

but i hope she
doesn't do dat again...
i noe she is stressed...
unlike some other sec 3s..
it's like every1 is pinning
hope on her...n
she didn't wan 2 let every1 down..
so yea...
dat will b d end of my post...
i wan 2 cry...
coz i hate...

hiyee!!!
very sorry
i have not
been updating my blog...
coz i have been busy...

lots n lots
have happened
after the june
school holidays..
such as mr tay has
become our permanent
maths teacher
for the next 4 months!!
renon n i
always joked about
her ai chin music...hehe
her full name is
mrs tay ai chin..n
there is a wwe wrestler
who have a finishing
move called
the sweet chin music..
lol..?

oh..ya..
i 4got to tell u
sumtink..
my father
quarreled with
my mother
just because of his singing competition...
he kinda shouted..
i can hear his voice even
if the door was closed..
i was watching tv at d hall
n my bro was playing online games...

i was shocked at 1st..
i pretend not 2 listen
but it was scary..
however,wad is even
more scary is that
d next dae...
d were talking 2 each other
in normal tones...
except i noticed dat
my mum was a bit loving to him..
adults...
i juz don't understand 'em..

so let's talk abt my sch...
it sux..
i was like suffering...
wanna noe y?
in school..i have friends...
they made me 4get my loneliness...
came back sch...
it was like a graveyard...
n also boredom...
no 1 in d house except me...
i can't blieve i m at home..
i mean wad is d meaning of home...
i tink dat even if i die...
my parents will finish their work,
my bro will finish his trainings n
24 hours later...
they found out dat i m dead...
wow...dat is wonderful...

i mean my mum won't have to nag
at me early in d morning
n waste her energy n breath...
my father..he is such a caring man...
he won't have to ask me
if i wan to eat dis or dat food anymore..
my bro won't have 2 scold me anymore...
4 juz a small joking matter...

they cn save money...
electricity...
love..
wat the hell...
why am i talking like this?
puieee....

ok..so let's REALLY
talk about sch 2dae...
i woke up at arnd 6.10am...
bathe n dressed up..
i had brought baju kurung
with me coz 2dae got
"racial harmony" day...
mardi wore a brown baju kurung...
shi yuan wore a pink baju kurung...
i changed n wore blue baju kurung...

i was accompanying ct 2
huiling's class...
then..when i wan 2 go back to class...
i bumped into mr yew...
he was wearing a...erm...
i dunno wad king of shirt he's wearing...
he looked at my baju kurung n say
'Nice costume'....n walked away...
nice costume??
it's a baju kurung lah...

ok..so..wadever..
thx 4 d comment anyway...
we had flag raising
n it was hm ec...
we had to do a roti john...
me n renon were partners....
so renon told rauf n mardi
to share an egg since ms lai
wanted us(in pairs) to
have only half an egg...

ct n jolene were partners...
then..dunno wad happen..
ms lai asked us to crowd
at her table...
n asked us 2 put d bowls wif d eggs in it
on her table...
she told us dat there shud
b 12 bowls including hers...
there were 13...
she flared up n asked who had extra...
her instructions were:
-pair up
-half an egg per pair
i saw ct n jolene mixing
one whole egg each..
individuallly...
uh-oh...
it must b 'em...
then...ct did d unthinkable..
i tink..i dunno...
she put her mixed egg into jolene's...
dat wud make 2 eggs in a bowl...
ms lai's instructions was to
have half an egg per pair
not per person...

when ct was doing dat,
ms lai saw her..oh shit..
she stared at ct...
ct was staring at her
innocently...
then..she was like a
mad teacher..screaming
at d top of her voice...

then..it was ok..
we continued doing
our roti john..
ms lai suddenly asked us
to go back to our places...
she asked who changed partners...
n places...
there was jolene,ct,dennis,yiqin
n hui wen...
she screamed n said dat we shud not change places
juz bcause sum1 is absent...
so..everytink was fine again....
we managed to do d roti john n
finish it in time...
we got 13..
i heard syafiq n wei jie got 0
coz they only cooked an egg...
not on d bread...
jolene got 10...
so i tink ct oso got 10...
mayb...

it was malay...
n i did not finish d malay hmwk.....
we quickly rushed 2 malay class
coz we were late...
we started 2 do d ws in class...
in front of the teacher...
cikgu mardiana saw it...
she asked who hadn't finish...

every1 raised up...
she asked us why we didn't finish...
we answered her by 2dae...
then, when we were doing...
i saw her leaving d class...
with her things without saying anitink...
we realised it n quickly try 2
finish it up...
we copied each other's answer...
mardi,wani,ct,rauf,dyan
went to find cikgu at d staff room..
to ask 4 forgiveness...
then..as i was abt 2 fing 'em...
they told me dat cikgu
wants d class to write
a reflection on wat happen 2dae..
on a piece of paper...
one page long..
wad d hell...
ct was cursing her...
calling her emo n all dat...
wad d hell..
every1 of us quickly do..
coz she wants it by
d end of MT period...
haish...
i'll continue next tyme..
now i gtg...
nid 2 bathe...
n oso cry...