okay..okay...
i am going to get over it...
let's put my sadness aside...
time for laughter...i guess..

now, i am going to
give you 2 jokes
it may or
may not be funny

first one...
Title: It's the thought that counts

On opening his new store, a man
received a bouquet of flowers.
He became dismayed on
reading the enclosed card,that it
expressed "Deepest Sympathy".
While puzzling over the
message,his telephone rang. It
was the florist, apologising for
having sent the wrong card.
"Oh,it's alright,"said the
storekeeper. "I'm a businessman
and I understand how these
things can happen."
"But,"added the florist,"I
accidentally sent your card to a
funeral party."
"Well, what did it say?" asked
the storekeeper.
" 'Congratulations on your
new location'," was the reply.

haha..funny right?
well,i tink dat
it is funny, though...

ok..the next one...
Title:Getting a helping hand

A person in jail receives a
letter from his wife:
"Dear Husband, I have decided
to plant some lettuce in the back
garden.When is the best time to
plant them?"
The prisoner,not knowing that
the prison guards read all the mail,
replied in a letter:
"Dear Wife,whatever you do,
do not touch the back garden.
That is where I hid all the
money."
A week or so later,he received
another letter from his wife:
"Dear Husband,you wouln't
believe what happened. Some
men came with shovels to the
house and dug up all the back
garden."
The prisoner wrote another
letter back: "Dear Wife,now is the
best time to plant the lettuce."

isn't it funny?
yeah..u may call it lame...
aniwae..now is 10.45pm..
i have finished
doing my homework...
now tired because of
red cross training
just now from 3-6pm
i have my legs aching...
aiyah..sian...sian...
i will post again
if i am free
because my exam
is just next week...
missed my abang a lot...
muakzzz...>.<

wow...
on thursday,
it was around 10.15pm
i was watching tv
my mum was sleeping

then suddenly
the phone rang
i quickly ran for the phone
it was in my mum's room

i took it and
saw my brother's hp number
i quickly took the call
the conversation began

me:hello?
him:hello?atun eh?
i was surprised at a moment
because this is the first time
i heard his voice ever since he went
for ns 3 days ago including this day

me:huh?
him:atun eh?mama?
me:tak,ini atun...nanti kejap
atun kasi talipon kat mama
my mother was already awake...
she took the phone...
and talked to my brother...

then,they hung up...
my mum told me that he had swimming
he had accidentally gulped down some water
and ended up having difficulty breathing

i thought to myself
pity him
he must have suffered a lot
oh my...oh my....

then,i asked my mum
if he was the only one
who could not swim

my mum told me
that he said
there are also many
people who do not know..

haish..i feel like crying
but i tahan..
i am feeling lonely

no one to teach me
at home
no one to joke with
at home

no one to smile
at home
no one to scold
at home

i really miss him
a lot...
i hope when he comes back,
he will miss me too...

i hope that he has learn
at least something during the ns
now...
i am wondering
what he is doing now...

how he has been doing...
is there any unfairness...
if there are, i would really go there
until there is fairness....
even if it means to shout vulgarities
or kill the person

you must be thinking that
i am crazy or over-reacting or emo
but i am not...
mayb i m too
sensitive..
i cry again...

yesterday...on wednesday(11/4)
i did not know
what happen to me
i really don't know

my mother sent me to school
she talked about him
i wanted to cry
but i tahan

when i reached school
i reached my class
all of them were looking
into a science textbook

i reached my table
mardi said to me
'eh,nari ader science test tau..
kau tau?aku terlupa nak bilang..
kau ader blajar?'

i told her that i studied a bit
but truth is i didn't
even know that there
was a science test

i quickly took out my book
then i turned to the page
when i looked into it,
suddenly could not
control myself anymore

i cried...i cried real hard
i was crying because the books
remind me of him i really miss him a lot...

mardi realized it...
she asked me what had happened
and why i cried all of a sudden

i wanted to answer
but can't she see that i was crying?
how to answer while crying hard?
i just cried

i didn't answered her
ct looked at me and asked mardi
what had happend..
then she asked me the same question

i was really unable to answer
i was crying the hell out of me..
i was crying out my pain
the pain that i had tahan

somebody handed me a tissue
i wiped it with my tears
i tried to stop crying but
tears just flow down my cheek

ct acked me
if somebody scolded me
i gelengkan my head

she asked if it is about him
i nodded
she asked if i missed him
and i was crying
because of him

i continued to cry
then the bell rang
i took a tissue packet
given by eng hoong

i brought down
my science textbook
i managed to stop my tears
i didn't want anybody
to ask me why i was crying

audric was asking me the question
i did not reply
because my mouth could not open
i just looked at the book

however,i was unable
to concentrate on the book
i can't even remember anything
i only remember the face of him

i cried a little
i wiped a little bit
i wanted to study
but nothing went inside ny brain

then, i saw mardi
she said that mr yew
wants to start the test already...
i was surprised

she said to me
not to cry
i started to cry a bit
then,we reached the class

i was wiping my tears away
then as i was sitting down
i looked at him
he saw me

he asked me if i was okay
i started to cry
i took a tissue and
covered my eyes

mardi told him that
i was sick...
then ct told him that
i missed my brother

he stood at my table
and said to me
'we have to move on
in life...we cannot wait for time
blah...blah....'

i just cried
i didn't listen to
what he was saying
i buried my face in my hands

then the test was starting
i was still crying
then mr yew started the test
i only wrote my name
on the paper

i suddenly started crying again
i was covering my eyes with my tissue
mardi said 'mr yew, i don't think
that nada is prepared to do her test'

i was still crying
he came and asked me
'nada, don't cry
i know that you are
a strong girl

do you still want to
continue your test?'
i geleng my head
while crying

'okay tomorrow you come
in the morning at 6.40am..
take a rest first...'

i was still crying..
after i don't know
how many minutes...
i had finally stopped crying...

it was when the test has finished
that i stopped crying
maybe because there were
no more tears left...

however,i am struggling
not to miss him so much
i promise that i will study hard...

i remembered that
after the talk
we had a dinner with him

then,it was time
we walked and reached
we took pictures of me and him
i was crying in my heart

then, he said that he had to go
my mother was clinging on to his arm
she said 'huh?'
i looked at her

then,he salam my mother..
my mother huggede him and cried
i know
she is sad

i saw it in her eyes
i wanted to cry but controlled it
i drank water from a bottle
i also salam him

when she was hugging and crying
he said 'takde apa-apa lah'
in a timid voice
i was even more sad

as we walk towards the boat,
we looked at him walking
and joining his company
he didn't even looked back

not even a glance
not even a single look
not even a wave of goodbye
not even a flying kiss

haish..sigh
my mother started to cry
until we are in the boat
i cried a little bit

in order not to cry
i closed my eyes
when i opened it
we had reached

we are far away
from pulau tekong now
we won't get to see him
until 2 weeks later...

we took an mrt
we took a bus
from jurong east
to kfc nearby our home
to buy dinner

when we reached home
i was in my parent's room
and was about to go to toilet to bathe
i saw my papa looking at my bro's bilik

i heard him sniffing
as if he had a running nose
but it wasn't...
he was crying

he was sad
i act as if i wanted
to take something
i passed by my parents' room

my mother said
'ur pa is sad
ur brother is not here'
i looked at him

he was looking at
something else
i too wanted to cry
but i really tahan

i don't want them to know
that i missed him very much
so much
sooooooo muuuuucccchhh

when i got into the toilet
i cried
i cried real hard
i cried when i was showering

however, no sound
came out of my mouth
because i don't want them to
know that i was crying

i looked into the mirror
my eyes were very red
my nose was red
i tasted those tears

they were bitter
yes,they were
why?well, because i
was crying as i was sad

i cried for a long time
i was in the toilet for a long time
it was quite long
about 45mins

however, my heart
was not satisfied
my heart felt heavy
a heart bleeding heavily

i went to my room
i put on powder so
that my red nose cannot be seen
i took deep breaths

i ate dinner
i did not feel like eating
but just to show
that nothing has happened to me..
i ate it till finish

i did not feel full
neither did i feel hungry
i was miserable
i cannot focus on anything

everywhere i look
it will remind me of him
please come back soon...
i need you.........

oh my god
now he is gone
he has gone away from home
for 2 weeks or more
i can't believe that he is gone so fast

i skipped school
just to see him off
i was sad that i was seeing him off

it was around 11.44 pm plus
we were waiting for a cab
i was sleepy
i dozed off in the cab

i remembered
two nights before this day
it was night time
i was crying
not because i was scolded or punished
but it was because i was scared

i was scared that he won't be able to be
by my side when i reallly need him
i remembered his words
a few days ago

"atun mesti tahu ni..
ini basic..u must remember
because it will help you a lot..
abang tak nak atun nanti
jadi macam kawan abang semua
dah pat jc, masih tak tau buat
dah tertanya-tanya"

i cried at those words
i was touched at how concern he was
i was really touched
i will never forget those words

i woke up and found
that we are still in the cab
heading to pasir ris interchange

when we reached there
we took a bus
it was damn hot
it was stuffy

we reached the jetty
i was sweating
but the wind made
me feel more comfy

we entered the ferry
i was talking to him
i felt like vomitting
because i don't like
the spray smell thingy

finally, we reached pulau tekong
he n i was separated
so i and my parents went on a short tour
it was quite boring

after that
we were in a multi purpose room
i saw him
he was sitting among some other people
who are the same age as him

all of them looked serious
and quiet
they were like robots
waiting for a commmand to be given

there was a brief talking,
oath taking ceremony
i nearly cried
they said the pledge
so firm and strong

i don't know if they mean
it from their heart
oh..oh..oh
why must this happen this year?

why not last year
or during last year's holiday?
why?why?tell me why...
i need an answer

an answer that will satisfy me
i know that it is a national service
which every man have to go through
but why must he be chosen this year?

i reflected back the memories
our memories
when we scold,joke,smile,angry
everything

he was like a best friend to me
an elder brother
a younger brother
someone i can talk to

we were like the closest
siblings ever
we were always helping each other
he sacrifices a lot for me

i never realise it till now
i don't know how to repay him
he said blajar btol2....

*sob*sob*